Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I am a Living Dichotomy

Sometimes I wonder who I am. What makes me tick.

Some days I am fueled with the need to create in any way, shape, or form.
Other days I can't fathom the idea of putting art supply to paper.

Some days I am the best mom in the world, helping the kids with their homework, carting them to their next event, playing games with them and laughing.
Other days I wish they would just play quietly by themselves and leave me be.

Some days I am the most amazing and loving wife, showering my husband with loving caresses, kind words and passionate kisses.
Other days, I wish he would just leave me alone for God's sake.

Some days I am so motivated to clean and organize my house no matter how tired I am.
Other days, I walk right past the shoes, clothes, and toys that are strewn about.

Some days I think I can do anything and I am amazing.
Other days I look at the mirror and see the reflection staring back at me and I think, "why can't you get it right?"

I am a living dichotomy.

I wonder when I will ever merge these different aspects of who I am to create one whole being that knows how to just be.
Or is this just who I am, who I will always be, two different aspects pushing and pulling like a the great forces of the universe?

Can I learn to embrace the yin and the yang of who I am?
Can I harness the powers that each aspect brings to me?
Can I just allow who whatever aspect of me to emerge?
Can I trust that who I am in any given moment is enough?

I choose to be gentle with myself.
To strive to be better.
To allow myself to be less than perfect.
I am getting better at it every day.

1 comment:

  1. oh michelle, i felt, really felt, like i was on a pendulum, swinging with you, back and forth. i am right there, experiencing the same thing these days. thank you for sharing these words, this place you are at, as we learn to let go and just be where we're at, it's nice to know we're in it together and not alone :o) so much love for you!