Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Perfectly Imperfect

I woke up this morning with an incredible pain in my left wrist. I'm talking about the kind of pain that makes you scream out in pain and often the words I was screaming were not good for my kiddies to hear!

I've been spending a huge amount of time on my computer for the last week because I signed up for this blog design course and last night I was feeling it in my neck. I remember my chiropractor telling me that my neck issues stem from my wrists so I was wondering if there is a connection. I made an appointment with him and will be leaving shortly to head over there but in the meantime I thought I would dig into the issue with my paint.

So I started as I have in the past, by looking up the positive affirmation in Louise Hay's Book, You Can Heal Your Life. I wrote it on the canvas.

Then I just started painting. I covered the canvas with blue and black and dripped alcohol on it to get some fun effects. I took out an old ratty fan brush and started making lines.

I kept going with the lines and then covered it with some more paint.

Then I got up to do something and tweaked my wrist and the pain shot up my arm and I got pissed. I took out the red and started painting with a credit card and then added some black.

The more I painted the more pissed I got!

I felt like I was holding back all this emotion and I finally said to myself, "What is here right now?" and this rush of anger just took over. I blobbed on some red paint and started smearing it around with my fingers.

At this point the tears came and they came and they came. I went with it and was carried away into a spontaneous emotional clearing process. I realized the anger that I had was directed at myself. I was pissed for all the times I had abused my body in my life and now here I am finally feeling like I am finding my way and my body is breaking down. I blamed myself for years of stupidity.

I continued through the process and did some belief changes and some major forgiveness of myself and in the end this is what I painted. I love that the painting is imperfect, yet in it's own way it is perfect. I would say it is a reflection on the lesson I learned.

I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite songs these days. I heard a DJ say that this was the perfect song for a guy to give to a girl but I figure I don't need a guy to sing it to me so I sing it to myself every time I hear it. So now you can sing it to yourself!


  1. ahhhh, michelle, how much emotion and love and "oof" all come rushing in as i read this. omg. to open up and share this process, wow. words are eluding me at the moment.... i'm just so deeply touched by this post. i guess that's most what i want to say. you ARE perfect just as you are!!

  2. Thank you sweetie. Your words are so kind and I so appreciate your support! xo