The Gift

I have not always been very good at dealing with my emotions. After years of ignoring them and shutting them down sometimes I still have a difficult time even fully recognizing how I am feeling in the moment. 

Process art has become a doorway to allow me to tap in, recognize, and then release bound up emotions. 

On this particular day, I was feeling out of sorts. Emotions were swirling around and I didn't know what to do with them. I decided scribbling was the answer. 

I taped a large poster board to the wall and grabbed two graphite pencils, one for each hand. I approached the paper and simply placed my forehead on the middle of the page and began to scribble with both hands. 

I scribbled and scribbled with varying degrees of fury. I scribbled through tears and I scribbled through fears. Anger raised its head and sorrow lowered it. Every ounce of emotion that I was holding onto traveled through my hands, into those pencils and onto the paper. 

When I felt complete I lifted my head from the wall and stepped back and I was shocked and amazed to see a heart so clearly left where my head had rested. 

When I started I had no intention to paint. I simply wanted to scribble with pencil and now here I was, standing in front of this pencil sketch and I KNEW it needed to be painted. 

As always, I followed my intuitive urge and chose the paint color. I was a little surprised to want white but I honored what I was feeling and let go. 

It wasn't long before the cool colors were calling my name. I played with one of my favorite colors, Prussian Blue and livened it up with sky blue and a cool shade of purple. 

I just kept playing and adding colors. Allowing fun lines to appear. 

Pink is my go to color when I am feeling love. The heart was ready to be painted and what better color to use than pink?

And then it was as if fireworks were going off. Every color was alive and dancing on the page. it had energy and was expressing exactly how I was feeling in the moment...alive and grateful. 

There is typically a point in my creation process where I get lost in the moment and forget to take pictures. This was that point. 

I continued to paint and add what the painting was asking for and in the end I was left with this soft, garden of love. 

When you lose yourself in the process of intuitive creation, you fall in love with your art. It holds a very special place in your heart. You almost feel like a mother loving your creation and this painting evoked these feelings in me,. It was the culmination of a powerful emotional journey that I was fortunate enough to be part of. 

Without going through every phase of this process and allowing myself to fully feel all of the constricting emotions, this painting doesn't have the same power. It is surrendering to the truth of the moment that fuels the process and allows something unique and sacred to emerge. 

What a gift!

Baseball and Embroidery

I am about to enter my busiest time of the year. Spring is like no other season for me. As many of you know, I have 5 boys. I have 4 of them living home with me now and they all play baseball on some level. One plays in college, one in high school, and two play for travel teams. That amounts to a whole lotta baseball. 

A small yarn and bead mandala

I recently finished putting my schedule in the calendar for the upcoming season and realized that I am going to have on average, 15 games a week. OMG! Of course I won't be able to go to all those games because there are some days that all 4 of the boys are playing in 4 different towns so my husband and I will be doing a lot of dividing and conquering to spread the love as much as possible.

In the past I've been overwhelmed, angry, and spent a lot of time feeling victimized by my situation. Of course I know I could just say, "no more baseball kiddies!" but that's never going to happen so I have learned to embrace it as best I can and try to find balance.

Playing around with a face

The first few years I cried a lot. That doesn't happen anymore. I now listen to audio books at the games, spend time preparing menus and dinners ahead so I am not in panic mode, and make sure I have everything I need in my car no matter what the weather. Yes, I have a sleeping bag ready to go all the way into August. Hee hee.

12 x12 garden mandala
 

This year I've decided to take it a step further. I have taken up a new hobby that I can bring along with me. With so much time spent outside the house, this can be a time when my creativity really suffers. So why not bring the creative fun with me?

A gift for a dear friend

I decided embroidery would be a totally new and fun thing to try and one that can easily be carried from field to field and as long as the weather cooperates I can be stitching in between innings. I am so excited about this. My 15 year old is not at all thrilled. He said, "Mom, please don't bring this to my games! It's so embarrasing! It's what old ladies do!" Hahahahaha! I love it!

Small leaf in progress

Of course I haven't been able to wait for the games to start so I've been having all kinds of fun playing around. I made sure I brought it with me to my son's orthodontist appointment to work on in the waiting room. I want to make sure he eases into the idea. Maybe those baseball games won't be so traumatic.

Have you recently taken up a new hobby? I'd love to hear about it. Maybe you can give me some new ideas. I still have a week or two til baseball starts. ;o)

Introducing...

For a while now I've been hearing from my friends and family that I should put some of my stuff on Etsy. They have kindly suggested it, sternly reminded me and exclaimed in exasperation, "What are you waiting for?"

Hmmm, I don't know. I thought I didn't really have enough items to sell and that maybe they were too personal or weren't "real art". Afterall, these were friends and family, they're biased.

Then I had a woman I never met before come to my house and she looked around at all my art and said, "You know, you really should put your stuff on Etsy."

And then a young girl from the neighborhood came over one day and saw something I had created and she said, "You know, you should make more of these and give them away...for money."

I laughed. OK Universe. I hear you. Thank you for telling me in so many different ways so that I might get the message.

So today I am happy to tell you that I have posted my first two items in my new Etsy shop. They are fabric wall hangings I created that I think are fun and whimsical and share my love of inspiring words and fun doodles.

I hope you will take a look and tell me what you think and if you like them please share them with your friends.

Thank you for all your support and encouragement. I am so blessed to have so many supportive and kind people in my life. Every one of you have lifted me up time and time again even when you weren't aware of it.

xo M

Vacation Journaling

Started playing on the airplane

 I decided to bring a small art kit with me on vacation this year. I haven't been doing much in the way of creating lately. The holidays are such a busy time for me and having my son leave for the Air Force in January has kept me away from my artistic expression and I thought vacation might be the perfect time to get back in the groove.

 I really wanted to keep it light and fun. Nothing tight or constrained.  I often struggle with this. I've always wanted to have that loose, messy style but it never comes across that way. In the above journal page I really tried to let loose and be messy. It was fun.

Hanging out at the pool with my journal

 One thing that happens to me every time I go on vacation is that I get a little whiny. I don't ever want to go home. I love every place I ever visit more than my boring town in the Midwest. I took some time to journal it out this year. I whined in my journal and then I flipped it and switched the energy. It was great because I got it out and I felt so much better and was able to move on and enjoy my vacation so much more.

Covering up an old Christmas list

At one point I came upon a page that I had written a Christmas list all over in scribbly, yucky handwriting. I was a little bummed because I hated the idea of all my fun and colorful pages being interrupted by this ugly page.

I showed it to my hubby and he said, "Why don't you cover it up?" I explained to him that watercolors wouldn't cover it up. But I became obsessed with the idea and decided that maybe, just maybe my gel pens would cover it and I set out to see.

It was a fun experiment and ended up liking the way it turned out.

Exploring the book, Life is a Verb

Have you heard about the year long project that Effy has called the Book of Days? I've been following her videos and while I am not really creating a book of days I am really enjoying what she is doing. While I was on vacation she started to incorporate the book Life is a Verb into her Book of Days. I had actually just purchased the book without knowing she was working with it. How funny is that?!

I created the above page to write my innermost thoughts about the questions Effy posted. I was happy with the way it turned out but I was a little shocked when I turned the page and saw that the sharpie marker I used to outline the  outer edges had seeped through. I showed my 14 year old Devin and laughed, "I guess I will be skipping a page huh?" He replied, "Well why don't you just put another face on that page?" Duh! What a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?!

So that is what I did. I used the same outline and created a second girl. When I was working on her I made a big boo boo. The paint was wet and I went in with blue and it spread like wildfire. Ugh! I decided to just go with it and embrace it. I put blue all over her eyes and the funny thing is it worked perfectly with the writing I had done.

I was really exploring my story and my relationship with taking ownership of my life. I ended up writing around her head, "She cried so much that even her tears got sick of her, dried up and ran away." It was a perfect expression of how I was living my story and playing my life as a victim. It just goes to show you that it really is true...there are no accidents.

I will leave you with this ugly page I created. I had decided to step outside my box and do something a little different from the stuff I normally do. Early on I knew it was bad...knew it was ugly. I could have given up and did something else but I decided to make it even uglier. I picked the ugliest colors I could and just kept going.

When I finished I decided to journal a little about it and this is what I ended up with.
xo

Embracing My Feminine Side

I'm not much of a girly girl. I never wear dresses, I don't wear much makeup and never wear perfume. I'm not surrounded by floral prints, anything pink, or frilly lace.


As I created my Body Map I began to notice that a lot of the images I was choosing were feminine. Women in glamorous dresses and flowing dresses, tons of flowers, jewelry, crowns, and swirls. The shape of my piece is even curvaceous and flowing giving it a feminine feel.

I realized that I am a bit off balance with my masculine and feminine energy.

One of my spirit actions was to buy myself some flowers for the house. You would think that would be easy but it was far from it. It seemed like such a frivolous purchase, almost a waste of money. Who needs flowers?

Apparently I do, well my soul does. So I went out and got myself some pretty flowers. I didn't even buy the cheap bouquet. I bought the ones that made me the happiest. I put them in a vase on my kitchen table and every time I walk by I smile at them and I breathe in their fragrance and I embrace my feminine side.

What kinds of things do you do to embrace your femininity? Help a tomboy out.

Believe in...

I spent the week with my students. 28 of the most amazing women from all walks of life, from all parts of the world. It was a great week and while on one hand I am a bit tired, I am also a bit wired.

You see, for me coaching people has so many levels of satisfaction.

• I love the fact that I am helping someone make changes in their lives that are going to improve the quality of life for them and their families. Some of these changes are really big and others are teeny tiny but I know that they will all have an impact.
• I love to hear the excitement in their voice when something clicks or as Oprah would say, their Aha Moment.
• I love to note the change in their attitude from the beginning of the call to the end of the call.
• I love it when I give them a suggestion and I know it resonates and they get all excited to go try it.
• I love feeling like I'm making friends all over the world with some of the coolest women around.
• I love how they mirror for me what I need to remember for myself.
• I love that giving them advice and encouragement gives it right back to me.
• I love that I am helping these women go out and change the world! That's a big ripple effect.
• I love that I can stay home in my cozy and warm home and touch lives across the globe.
• I love that I can doodle and paint throughout the day.
  

The above painting was created in between calls and finished up at the end of the day. I had created the doodles and decided to leave a space for a word, I didn't know what that word would be.

I think believe started whispering in my ear as an affirmation that it is time to believe in myself.

• To believe that I am good enough.
• To believe that I can help people.
• To believe I have something to offer.
  
• To believe that what I am doing, even when I feel like I don't know what the heck that is, is perfect for where I am right now.
• To believe that I can have abundance...no, that I am abundant right now!
  
• To believe in my own abilities.
• To believe in my talents.
  
• To believe that everything that has happened in my life, good or bad, has served me well and gotten me to this point in my life.
  
• To believe that my life is mine to live and that I can create it any way I see fit.
  
• To believe I have everything I need right now.
  
• To believe that I am on the right path.
• To believe, to believe, to believe...in myself!

And because I believe so strongly that if you are reading this, I am acting as a mirror for you. I invite you to check in with your beliefs and see if they are serving you. What positive, empowering beliefs can you incorporate into your life so that you can begin to live your life from a place of confidence and self love?

Been Busy But...

Still had time for making some fun in my journal!

I went to watch my son and hubby play a softball game on Friday and then I hit an art fair during the day on Saturday before I headed off to see the Counting Crows in concert at Ravinia. We brought the kids with us and have now decided that unless we are seeing a band they love, we will leave them home next time. They were good but I don't think they loved it...my 12 year old fell asleep on the blanket. :o)

Sunday I had brunch with 3 other ladies I met while going to school in NYC. It was great to catch up with them after not seeing each other for a year. We ended up sitting there for 3 hours! Later that night we headed out for a nice bike ride with the kids. It was a good weekend!

I did manage to play around in my new moleskin journal. I just bought it and hadn't done anything in it yet. This page was an attempt to play around a bit. I glued some petals down that I had cut out from magazine pages for another project I started and never finished. Then I took my new Sharpie pen and started doodling. I brought it with me to the concert and worked on it there. I like it. I want to play around with the background and maybe try it with a white gel pen to see how that looks.

Easy Peasy Flower

This was an interesting journal page. I decided to open it up and just start painting. I had no idea what I wanted to do, what colors I was going to use or what was going to happen. I started out just covering the page with paint and then going over it and over it and over it until I got something that I liked.

I ended up adding glitter which in person looks so fun but doesn't show up in the photo. I had fun with some lettering and just let the thing emerge.

It is rough and it is simple but it was the process that was so great.