The Gift

I have not always been very good at dealing with my emotions. After years of ignoring them and shutting them down sometimes I still have a difficult time even fully recognizing how I am feeling in the moment. 

Process art has become a doorway to allow me to tap in, recognize, and then release bound up emotions. 

On this particular day, I was feeling out of sorts. Emotions were swirling around and I didn't know what to do with them. I decided scribbling was the answer. 

I taped a large poster board to the wall and grabbed two graphite pencils, one for each hand. I approached the paper and simply placed my forehead on the middle of the page and began to scribble with both hands. 

I scribbled and scribbled with varying degrees of fury. I scribbled through tears and I scribbled through fears. Anger raised its head and sorrow lowered it. Every ounce of emotion that I was holding onto traveled through my hands, into those pencils and onto the paper. 

When I felt complete I lifted my head from the wall and stepped back and I was shocked and amazed to see a heart so clearly left where my head had rested. 

When I started I had no intention to paint. I simply wanted to scribble with pencil and now here I was, standing in front of this pencil sketch and I KNEW it needed to be painted. 

As always, I followed my intuitive urge and chose the paint color. I was a little surprised to want white but I honored what I was feeling and let go. 

It wasn't long before the cool colors were calling my name. I played with one of my favorite colors, Prussian Blue and livened it up with sky blue and a cool shade of purple. 

I just kept playing and adding colors. Allowing fun lines to appear. 

Pink is my go to color when I am feeling love. The heart was ready to be painted and what better color to use than pink?

And then it was as if fireworks were going off. Every color was alive and dancing on the page. it had energy and was expressing exactly how I was feeling in the moment...alive and grateful. 

There is typically a point in my creation process where I get lost in the moment and forget to take pictures. This was that point. 

I continued to paint and add what the painting was asking for and in the end I was left with this soft, garden of love. 

When you lose yourself in the process of intuitive creation, you fall in love with your art. It holds a very special place in your heart. You almost feel like a mother loving your creation and this painting evoked these feelings in me,. It was the culmination of a powerful emotional journey that I was fortunate enough to be part of. 

Without going through every phase of this process and allowing myself to fully feel all of the constricting emotions, this painting doesn't have the same power. It is surrendering to the truth of the moment that fuels the process and allows something unique and sacred to emerge. 

What a gift!