Recognizing Fear

Fear is a funny thing. It's not real... it's not concrete. You can't look at it and say, "Yea, that's some gnarly fear there."

Instead it lurks around, shows up with some funny feelings in your body, and oftentimes gets your mind racing. Once that mind is let loose, you can go round and round until you don't know which way is up.

Now I'm not talking about intuitive fear that lets you know when something is wrong or the fear that keeps you from doing something that could put you in jeopardy. I'm talking about the fear that holds you back and keeps you small. I'm talking about the fear that is so sneaky you're not even sure it's fear.

If you don't take the time to stop and think about it, it can seem like some pretty good reasons for not doing something. The mind is pretty sneaky that way. It knows just what to say to keep you in your little box. You know it really just wants to keep you safe. Unfortunately safe can mean stagnant.

I've dealt with a lot of fear in my life. As a kid I can remember being home alone and scared out of my mind. I can remember the sound of my dad's car pulling up in the driveway and the jolts of fear that ran through my body wondering what kind of mood he was in. I have a childhood of memories that revolve around fear.

In my family being strong was the holy grail. Fear was a weakness and I was taught early on to toughen up and be brave. I guess a part of me felt that being afraid meant I was weak and I wasn't about to be weak so I learned to ignore it.

The thing is, years of ignoring something makes you pretty numb to it. It makes it difficult to recognize it and if you can't recognize it you can't deal with. So what's a girl to do?

Soul Art® of course ;o)

The above piece was created with my favorite travel watercolor set some black markers. If you look closely you can see some symbols that are placed right on top of the flowing colors. Those symbols represented my mind and my fears. They were the one thing I didn't like about the piece.

It became very clear to me that what's underneath those symbols of over thinking and fear is the perfection of the Universe, the flowing state of trust in what is happening for the betterment of my soul. Those symbols were the distraction that were keeping me from being in the flow and blocking the perfection of the Universe.

I always say that recognizing our behavior is the first step to changing and I absolutely believe that. You can't change something you don't even recognize. I have to say that by regularly doing Soul Art® around issues in my life I am speeding up the process of healing. It's so awesome!

Soul Art® Rocks!

I had a really great Soul Art® session last week and I wanted to share her response with you!

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This was my first Soul Art experience with Michelle. After choosing all the images and text from magazines, Michelle threw me a curve ball. It wasn't at all what I expected. "Are you kidding?" I said.
She replied with a simple word..."Trust," she said.

After assembling my art I noticed the text was telling me things that I had put on the back burner, things that had been simmering so long that the pot was about to go dry. The text along with the pictures conveyed the same messages, or reinforced the messages. My Soul Art told me I am ready to make a change, go for it, step it up. It told me to venture out more, find inspiration, and don't let the mundane day-to-day living get in my way. Make each day count. . . really count, it said. It wanted me to be aware of all the magic in the universe, the poetry, the beauty, the love and the possibilities. It wanted me to believe in myself and trust.

Wow!. It was pretty amazing. I went from feeling unmotivated and uncertain to "Wow, I can do this!"

How could a simple, fun exercise actually change your way of thinking about something that had you baffled for so long? Could it have changed my brain waves somehow? Strange, but true.

I felt a new sense of empowerment, and bought myself a royal blue evening dress (to go with my red hair) and silver sandals for my upcoming trip to DC. I decided that I'm worth it! I feel different, and I can't wait to see what's down this road. Thanks, Michelle. Soul Art rocks!

Pam Pulice

Reel Stories Productions

www.reelstories.tv

Rebirth

Over the years since I began my healing journey I have noticed that healing isn't constant. It ebbs and flows. I like to think of it like riding a roller coaster of healing. There are ups and downs, spins and turns and you don't always know what is up ahead. There are times that make you feel sick, others that are exhilarating.

It seems like I am heading up a big steep hill of my healing roller coaster right now, slowly edging forward, about to take yet another dive. I have several big healing events coming up in the next couple of months that I am really excited about. I just know big things are coming.

Apparently I know this at my soul's level too because last night while working with someone to complete their soul art, I also worked on my own and the message that came up for me reinforced that idea.

You can see there is this strange face in the lower left that looks heavy and lifeless, almost as if it is a mask. Out of her lips comes this light, bubbly and positive energy. What a contrast.

As I was reflecting on the piece and getting my insight I got this flash that the woman was dead. She was lying there with her eyes closed and letting out her last breath. At first it freaked me out a little. Why the heck am I creating images of dying women? I decided to let my mind rest and just go with it.

As I continued to ask and answer questions about the piece it became quite clear that this image represented a death and a rebirth. It was the death of my old limitations. RIP to the old Michelle. Embracing the new excitement, joy, life, beauty, creativity, and bubbly energy that is awaiting me.

In asking what I need to do I got this response:

"You don't have to do a thing except be open, ready, and willing to trust. The wheels are in motion and your dreams are being manifested. Stay connected, open, and trusting that it is all going according to plan. Be excited. Feel the energy. TRUST, TRUST, TRUST!"

Um, OK, I can do that! ;o)

As a way to keep myself in the spirit of trust and to remind myself where I want to be with it I decided to add a statement of trust to the end of the gratitude list I write every morning. So easy! I love it. I feel great about it and excited to see what the next couple of months bring.

Embracing Silly and Goofy!

Back in January I did a Soul Retrieval process with a wonderful woman named Lisa Dieken. It was quite a powerful process. I wrote about it briefly in a prior post. I didn't give too many details about the actual process but instead linked it to the fact that I had chosen Abundance for my word of the year.

Recently I've been having all these messages come up for me about having fun, playing, loosening up, and embracing my inner child. It seems no matter what I set my intention for in the beginning of a Soul Art process, I end up coming back to--have fun!

My silly little artwork above is yet another example of this. It's goofy and fun and written right on it is the message to Dance and have fun. You would never know my intention for this piece was to allow my creativity to flow for a serious project I am working on.

I'm feeling a bit goofy and silly lately too. I'm singing even more in the car, dancing around the house, embarrassing my kids with my crazy sounds and ridiculous singing and saying goofy things.

So what does all of this have to do with my Soul Retrieval? It really does tie in...let me explain. During my journey Lisa told me she saw a younger me playing on the playground. I could see the event taking place in my mind, the young little Michelle stooping down and drawing with chalk on the pavement.

She called to her and asked her to come home. The little girl started to come closer but then decided that she wasn't quite done playing and she took off back into the playground. Lisa said she hadn't ever seen that happen before. I saw that little girl jumping, skipping, swinging and playing while we waited for her to finish. As I watched her play I was brought to tears because I realized it was something that I had forgotten how to do. Playing and having fun seemed so foreign to me and I felt the ache deep down inside.

It got me to thinking that by bringing that little girl home (yes, she eventually finished her fun and made her way over to us) who knows how to play and have fun I've really woken something up inside of me and I'm slowly learning to integrate that part of who I am. It's becoming more and more of who I am and I like it.

So to honor my silly little creature's advice, I would like to leave you with one of my current favorite "dance and have fun" songs. I encourage you to crank it up, let loose and have a good time! Woo hoo!

In and Out of the Creative Flow

Being in the creative, spiritual groove feels amazing. You feel like you are flowing in the energy of the Universe and everything happens magically for the betterment of your spirit. You feel like life is on your side and your trust that you are on the right path.

Being in the creative, spiritual groove isn't difficult. It doesn't require complicated practices, expensive tools or inordinate amounts of time.

What it does require is the ability to make it a priority. To commit to making it a part of your life.

You would think that once you've experienced the magic of it you would never again let it fall away. But as you might be guessing, that's just not the case.

Maybe you get busy with life and before you know it weeks have passed and you find yourself in a different kind of groove. The groove of obligation, busyness, must do's and must haves. Your days are packed with this thing and that and you are going through the motions of getting and doing. You simply forget.

It's almost as if you are moving through life in a robot-like daze. I imagine it's a survival tactic to keep you from feeling that sense of loss or those feelings of lack. If you don't feel or don't remember you don't suffer, right?

Wrong. You suffer under the surface, deep down in the depths of your soul. You suffer in silence. You walk around feeling like something is missing but you just can't put your finger on it.

There is an ache, an itch, a funny feeling that gnaws at you. It creeps around deep inside looking for a way to wake you up, to shake you up, to breathe some life back into your body, mind, and spirit to get you back on track.

If you're lucky, that funny feeling will begin to wake you up a bit and you will start to remember. You will get flashes of that euphoric feeling you once had, that sense of being right in the world. You will remember that there is another way, a better way to live life. You will remember that it is your right to live with that passion, that excitement, and that connection to the Universe. You will remember that you only get this one life and it is yours to create.

Child-like Confidence

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Michelle. She was beautiful, smart, funny and brave. She thought she was the bee’s knees and could do anything in the world she wanted to do. She loved to draw and would create masterpieces everywhere she went and then she would hand them out to anyone and everyone. She loved animals and thought she might be a veterinarian of course if she didn’t become an artist or an art teacher.

Over the years as Michelle grew up, slowly but surely her confidence started to chip away. What she once knew she could do she started to doubt and then eventually she just knew that she couldn’t quite do anything right. It didn’t matter that everyone told her she was talented, smart, and capable. She only knew that she wasn’t really that great of an artist. She could never be smart enough to be a veterinarian and let’s face it, she didn’t have the guts to deal with death and injury to those poor little animals. She figured she could still be a teacher but not an art teacher because everyone knows that they only need one of those per school and she would never be good enough to be that one teacher who won the job. Her dreams fell away.

As she got older and older she kept trying new ventures, trying to find something that would make her as happy as she was when she was a carefree child but nothing seemed to work. She felt lost, worthless, and every bit of a failure. She embarked on a journey of healing for herself and she cleansed out years of negative thinking. She washed away the pain and began to fill herself up with positive thoughts and spent time remembering that small child who had the world at her feet.

Even as she continued to heal she was brought back to fear and doubt time after time as if she was being tested. Sometimes she would pass the tests with flying colors and other times she would squeak by with a passing grade. But she began to notice that no matter how difficult the tests were, she always seemed to pass and things started looking brighter.

One day she had this great idea for a new project but she just felt that she didn’t know enough to bring it to fruition by herself and she just KNEW she wasn’t a business woman! She could never do all that business stuff! So she started thinking of the perfect person to partner with and lo and behold she found her. Her friend was the yin to her yang and brought a wonderful balance to project.

They started getting together and having conference calls to work through the business plan and figure out the structure and poor Michelle thought she might die. She knew her brain wasn’t set up to do these things and she was tested with fear and doubt once again.

And then something strange happened one night on a call. It was as if she had an out of body experience and she was listening to the words that were coming out of her mouth as she spoke about the vision, the liability and the structure. She found herself thinking, “Who is that woman saying all those intelligent things? Wow, she really sounds like she knows what she is talking about! There is strength in those words and a confident intelligence. HOLY CRAP! THAT’S ME TALKING!!! I might just actually know what I am talking about! I might be as good of a partner to my partner as she is to me. I actually have something to contribute! I think I can do this.”

In that moment she seemed to be transported back to that little girl she knew so many years ago. She felt herself in that perfect little body, with her big smile and fearless attitude and she once again believed in herself.

Summer Fun With the Kids

Remember back at the end of June when I talked about going out in nature and spending time playing with my kids? I was going to hit a few local hot spots for nature and I had it all planned out. Remember?

Well guess what. Here we are at the end of July and there has been no nature for us. Nope, nada, zilch, zero! Time just seemed to get away from me. The weather has been crazy. Most days have been unbearably hot and when it cooled off a bit it was because we had some severe thunderstorms rolling through.

Even when the weather was good, we were busy with Dr. appointments, orthodontist appointments, daily baseball games and there were just days where we just watched the time slip by. It's crazy how that can happen even when I have it on my calendar each week.


Guess what? It's over! I hit Mother Nature with my 2 youngest boys and it was great. We stopped off at the Fox River after a Dr. appointment yesterday. Yay! We did it!

We walked along the shore exploring the bugs,

the trees,





and the plants.

We talked, we walked arm and arm. I taught them things about life and nature and of course composition and taking unique photographs.

It was one of the best days I had this summer. I was in the moment with them. They were in the moment with me. I loved hearing the excitement in Aidan's voice with each new bug he discovered as much as I loved watching Liam walk gently through the grass being careful not to let a bug land anywhere on his body.


The thing is that they loved it. We didn't DO anything. There was no plan, there was nothing that had to get done. We were just walking, talking, and observing. Liam must have told me about 7 times how much he liked it. He pulled my arm around him as we walked and when it was over and we piled back into the car Aidan was the first to say, "Thanks Mom." What can be better than that?