I am a Guest Blogger

I was asked to be a guest blogger over at Dirty Footprints Studio today to talk about my experience with Fearless Painting. Go on over there and check it out!

Who Am I?

Years ago when I began my spiritual journey I was introduced to a powerful question that changed my life. It's a simple question, one that seems easy enough to answer until you begin to dig a little deeper. As you may be guessing, the question is, "Who am I?"

The power lies not only in the question but how you go about answering it. Asked just once, the answer is simple, "I am Michelle." When asked again, the answer might be something like, "I am a mom, daughter, brunette, woman, friend, or cousin." Continue asking and the answers become deeper, "I am nice, a bitch, happy, angry, sad." Dig deeper and watch as the answers shift from the labels that are me to the essence that is me..."I am water that flows in the ocean, the air that lifts a birds wings, the stars that twinkle, the energy that flows throughout the universe."

It is an amazing experience to uncover and strip away the "idea" of who we are. This is the exercise I embarked on before painting this BIG painting. It is actually 4 pieces of poster board taped together so it is not just big, it is huge. It was the perfect size to answer such a big question.

It was the last painting I did for the painting class that I took called BIG. I loved, loved, loved this class. Everything that Connie did really worked so perfectly. She set us up to really form a community and I've met some amazing people through this class. We bonded in a way that I just didn't expect.

She encouraged us to explore who we are through paint, to allow our creativity to soar and to be expressed without fear and judgement. She guided us every step of the way and supported us when things got tough. She shared herself with us in a deep and vulnerable way which let us know that she understood where we were and that we were going to be OK...no, better than OK, awesome!

I am so grateful for the experience I got taking this class. It has unleashed things in me that I didn't know were there to be unleashed. It has changed me in ways I could have never expected. It is more than just painting, it is empowering and freeing and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. Go there, check it out. Dig in, sign up. Give yourself this gift.

It's Bigger Than The Painting

I have been busy creating all kinds of artwork here in my home, safe and hidden from prying eyes. Free to just put the brush to the paper and paint whatever comes up for me. I haven't felt like I wanted to share any of it because I didn't think it was blog worthy.

That got me to thinking about why I create. What is the purpose of spending this time alone in my house creating art I don't want to share? I pondered this as I looked through some of these paintings and the answer came out loud and clear.

When I spend my time creating paintings from an intuitive place, allowing the painting to evolve I learn so much about myself through the process. I learn about my perfectionist tendencies, I learn how I respond to fears when they arise, I learn to be in touch with my feelings...all of my feelings...good and bad.

Each session teaches me something that is far more valuable than the actual painting I create. It is the process that is so powerful. It's a window into my soul and into the dark parts that I like to keep hidden.

If I could run a recorder that could tape my thoughts as I progressed through a painting it would be the most enlightening thing you've ever heard. You would be a witness to the moments of bravery that push me forward even when I know with all my heart that I am going to suck and no matter what I do it will never be enough (that's a nice negative voice isn't it?).

You would hear the back and forth banter I have with the scared child inside that thinks she isn't good enough. You would be shocked to hear the foul language and bravado that surfaces when I am riding a wave of empowerment. You would celebrate with me as I dance around the room singing a song that celebrates the moments of pure joy and love I uncover as I paint.

It's a special thing this process painting. And the thing is it loses some of its power when the finished painting is posted for all to see. Because without this running tape of the powerful moments that arise as it's painted, it seems to be just another painting.

But the thing is those moments can be raw and vulnerable and can seem so difficult to post for all the world to see. I mean really, who wants everyone to know their deepest, darkest emotions and fears?

This painting for example is one of my favorites. Not because it looks particularly good but because I started it with no idea of what I was going to paint. I taped up two pieces of poster board on the wall and began writing all over it. I had an intention for this painting, I wanted to explore my career and see what emerged for me. After I filled the page with words I just dipped my brush into the first color that called to me.

I kept listening to my inner voice and painting with wild abandon. While I was painting it I was listening to the most powerful, awesome rock music that helped me tune into the part of myself that is powerful and awesome.

As the painting emerged I understood what every brush stroke was telling me. Each ring of this circle represented a chapter in my life, a piece of who I am. There was an understanding that I have accumulated enough of these rings and now it is time to head outward, to share them with the world.

I added a halo of white that represents my life force, my aura, the beauty in my human form with the knowledge that there is more than the eye can see. It's mystical and powerful.


I added a small white circle in the center that represents my soul and I put a tree inside that represents life and balance. The trees reaching upward into the sky, into the universe and the roots deep into the earth grounding and connecting that energy.

So you see, if you just looked at this painting you would see some nice circles and a bit of a starburst of sorts. It would seem fine, nice even. BUT when you know the whole story...It changes everything!

Going Deep

It's amazing what we can uncover and reveal about ourselves through art when we do it from and intuitive place, free from fear of making mistakes and needing to have a completed work of art. Just opening up and allowing what is there to pour itself onto the page is what I am learning in this painting class called BIG.

Not only is it BIG but it can be a bit scary too...but in a good way. What I mean is that it can be scary to dive deep into ourselves where the not so shiny bits hide out. Deep down below the smiles and the friendly persona that we have. The good part is that when we allow ourselves to go there we heal a little part of who we are...who we are afraid we really are. It's like peeling an onion and every journey down deep peels another layer off that cleanses our soul and gets us closer to who we truly are at the core.

This day of painting began with the intention of painting a memory of a time in my life when I loved to dress up as a gypsy. I wanted the painting to be free and light and fun and you can see the beginning of it above.

While I was painting a song came on the radio that brought back another memory, a time when I was unhappy in my first marriage. I felt unloved and unimportant and it all came back in that moment standing there before my paper with brush in hand.

I dipped the paintbrush into the white and began to paint over the face. I wanted to get a good base to start laying down color but as I covered it I heard the words, "You were a ghost." I knew it was true and that truth was staring back at me from my paper.

I continued to just listen and let the painting emerge and when I was finished I was flabergasted that I had created something so dark and sad. I didn't want to share it with anyone, I wanted to keep it to myself. I was embarrased.

As I thought about it over the weekend and talked to my good friend Carrie about it today I realized that I have nothing to be embarrased about. That this is a part of who I am. I have been through a lot in my life and not all of it is happy and shiny. I would be lying to myself and the world if I tried to cover up the darker parts. And by letting it out I've been able to heal it. It was like a bit of closure for that time in my life. In fact I created another painting after that to seal the energy and finish the healing process.

So here I am. All the parts of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Painting BIG!

I signed up for an online painting class called BIG with Connie over at dirty footprints studio. It's been amazing and I am having the absolute best time painting on big poster boards. I highly recommend the class to anyone and everyone. Connie has really created something wonderful and I'm only on week 2!!! I can't imagine what's going to come out of it by week 6.

I thought I would share a few of my paintings so far.