Being on my spirit-cation has been amazing! It has really shifted my thoughts, my actions, my intentions, and my future. I've learned so much about myself over the last couple of months.
The greatest part about my latest round of healing has been my ability to bring my husband into my spiritual and creative life. You see, my husband is more of a jock kind of guy. He loves to play sports, watch sports, and take part in every known fantasy sport league. He is not at all into art, creativity, or spirituality.
Even though he isn't into it or doesn't really "get it" he is always supportive of me in whatever I want to do. He supports my art, my travels, my healing...he supports it all.
The thing is, I've found it very difficult to feel like I'm living this separate life from the person I love. How can I share my entire life and the depths of who I am with him if he doesn't know all the parts of me?
I've actually struggled with this for years. I've always been afraid to push him too hard and annoy him or to share too much "woo woo" stuff and have him think I've gone off my rocker. I worried that he wouldn't understand.
Of course part of me wanted to make it his fault. He isn't open. He isn't spiritual. He doesn't want this, he doesn't want that. I made the decisions for him in my mind. I never really gave him the chance to decide.
One day in the midst of all this healing I've been doing I broke down into tears and just shared it all. I told him my fears and I explained how much I wanted him in all the parts of my life. Of course he was a bit shocked...where was all this coming from? But the important thing is that he listened. He listened and he was there for me.
What I learned was that I wasn't trusting him to be there for me. I was shutting myself down out of fear and making it about him when it was really about me. Isn't it crazy how we do these things?
He's still the same sports jock who loves what he loves but he is now also open to learning about what I'm interested in, watching an occasional episode of Oprah's Lifeclass or some documentary on spirituality. He's not sure he's all in but he is willing to learn and to experience all of it with me and I can't ask for more.
Our relationship seems to have blossomed. It feels even more like a partnership than ever before and I know our love has deepened. The surprising thing for me is that out of this experience I have gained this sense of wholeness. I didn't realize just how much this shut down was affecting me. I can't explain how much this even seemed to bring the two warring parts of me together into one cohesive person. I feel less split now that I've exposed all of who I am with the love of my life. It's awesome!
AND, I would like to welcome my husband here to The Creative Healing Studio because for the first time he has signed up to read my blog! It's so exciting!!! Thank you honey for being here for me for all of these 5,627 days of marital bliss!!! I love you so much and I'm beyond grateful for having you in my life!
Wow, did you write this for me?
ReplyDeleteJust kidding, but this is just like my husband and I. He's not into "woo woo" stuff either, and he DOES NOT understand why I want to pursue such a chancey career as an artist and writer when I could do something that I enjoy (not love) that's more stable. We're slowly getting this together, but I've recently realized that it's not him-it's me. At least as far as I control. If I don't at least try to open that side of myself when he's around, I'll never feel unified with him. I'm accepting that he'll never be the sensitive, creative soul I used to think I wanted, but he balances me and helps me see the sides of myself that I tend to squash down.
Kind of a rambler, but this really got me thinking. Thank you for writing this!
Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much for commenting McKella. I love this. I admire your strength to believe in your dream and to go with what you love. I know it can seem easier to go the "safe" route.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate what you wrote about your husband not being the sensitive, creative soul you THOUGHT you wanted and seeing him for who he is and what he brings to you. That is good advice for anyone in a relationship don't you think? Thank you for giving me something to think about!
Michelle - this was beautifully written and touched my soul. Thank you for sharing as it is a reminder for us all to trust and to not let fear take over. It brought tears to my eyes as I read it because it was powerful and real and I am so thankful for your sharing it. What a beautiful reminder to trust ourselves and the ones we love. Thank you, Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Carrie. Your words mean the world to me!
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